{inspiration: drama}

"if distance were measured

in terms of the heart,

we'd never be more than a minute apart."

-from a thai drama

maybe i watched too much thai drama

these past few weeks,

(not saying i'm obssessed-

though Brandon would totally think so),

it triggered so many thoughts and odd feelings.

to speak frankly, it made me miss Thailand miserably-

especially my childhood.

some of the memories are meant

to be kept in my heart.

memories that my heart can never forget
because it reminds me of who i am
and where i came from.

sometimes i wondered what would've been like

if my family never made it to America.

it's scary to think if i never made it here,

would i already be married (for a decade)

and had like 10 kids?

i don't even want to know.

that path is so dark and unfair.

the mind set is different.

women were not allowed to attend school

in the village.

women should only be working

in the farm, taking care

of their 10 children, and live in the kitchen.

men saw women as property (my mother is a living proof).

i'm not saying all men are like this,

but sad that the majority in my culture are.

sad that my father never appreciate
my mother enough

to love her and never let her go.

i'm just jotting down my feelings,

 not trying to make a point.

not trying to put down/ diminish my culture.

but if i were to make a point,

i learned that life isn't fair sometimes.

i tell myself often that if life is fair,

i wouldn't have to miss my grandmother.

i wouldn't have to be far from her.

i wouldn't have to see my mother work so hard.

i wouldn't have to hear my father's cry.

i wouldn't have to miss my siblings
while i sit at church.

i shouldn't have to feel so powerless.

but i also learn that at the end of day-

i make the best out of what i am given.

if i just close my eyes slowly

and let my tears flow, say a prayer,
and

put my trust in Heavenly Father that

he will make it better at the end.

and redirecting my thoughts

to something more positive

changes my whole perspective about things

i deemed as unfair.

i feel fortunate i have the gospel.

i am extremely lucky to have a husband

that loves me so unconditionally.